The insanity of the sane

Interesting to me lately is how insane the sane can be and not possess any ability to recognize their insanity when it consumes them. I find my sanity being tested constantly but do not embrace the reality that I wandered into the insane realm until days later..

Wondering if this is a fail-safe system set up in my head or am I just too incoherent to the possibility of insanity and me, (or is it myself? I get so confused), waltzing?

No answers, just questions.. Such is life

Shadows

SHADOWS 

The light peeks thru the transparent curtains of his mind

But he recognizes only darkness

controlling every thought, every emotion

He stays in his corner, afraid to look

 

Shadows, Shadows, and More Shadows

consume him, tightening their grip

Changing daylight to dusk, joy to despair

Shadows destroying his dreams, torturing them with doubt

                           He cannot see

 

As the dawn of his consciousness begins the day

He withdraws the thick black curtains slowly,

Illuminating his fear, removing his security

His mind struggles to stay alive, to survive

 

Shadows, Shadows, and more Shadows

menacing, surrounding, clawing at his soul

turning everything around him black, darkness prevails

Shadows are his enemy disguised as a friend

                        He is alone

 

His thoughts and fears moving into the light,

Blinding him with an assumed reality of doom

Paralyzing his sanity, his dreams, his hope

His ability to love what is his, is gone

 

Shadows, Shadows and More Shadows

Confusing what he has with what he does not

Horrified by what he thinks he sees and hears

His Shadows, once again, have won, he is defeated

 

Retreating back to his corner he weeps

Some "quickie thoughts"

"He kept saying to himself work through it, just work through it and you will be fine".... Now if he is able to embrace his own advice........

"Telling yourself it doesn't matter is easy. Convincing yourself it doesn't matter is the true test."..

"Self confidence is cemented by positive reinforcement and honest reflections from others. Silence creates doubt."

"An attempt, which consumes and overtakes your sanity, to stay sane can be, and often is, as insane as the mental instability of being insane is.."

"Feeling a little better but the many questions and concerns still remain. What happened to the care free days of Romper Room and Mr. Rogers?"

I used to let "it" bother me too much. I used to be so worried about "it" that I tried to over compensate. I used to be consumed by my obsession with changing "it." But not anymore. Once I realized that I have no control over "it" and needed to allow "it" to be on "its" own, I was able to cloak "it" with a smile. Smiling is my greatest weapon against "it" and it absolutelty destroys "its" reason for existing.

"A "FOOLS JOURNEY" is taken only by a fool who does not have the intellect to realize he is a fool"

Why

WHY
Staring out his window, he sees only gray
Wondering, wondering, wishing and praying
Hoping the answer is there somewhere, he is desperate
Knowing his heart is true but forbidden, tears begin to flow   

He knows what his soul tells him, but he is unable to listen
His heart silenced by fear, his world empty without him
Unsure what to do, where to go, his pain consumes him
Medicating his agony with a bottle and a pill, he dreams    

WHY seeps into his pores, draining his sanity

Surrounded by an ocean of colors a symphony of winged musicians fill the air
He can feel him, smell him and sense his heart is near
He reaches for him, arms stretched, he is close, but cannot be touched    
 He can hear him breathing, he can see his smile

His pain is now only an underscore to his joy
The Serenity of seeing him there disguises the truth, but he knows
Simply loving is not enough, his emotional destruction destined     

WHY questions his reason for living, leaving him numb

She looks at him, her world is safe now
His strength is her fortress protecting her
His Soul breathes life into hers But she cannot feel him, or touch him
Sensing his faith, she understands his God Her Savior is his but no one hears, no one cares

Loyal to one belief they muffle her voice, she is alone
She screams a silent scream for him to hear, but he does not    
WHY Rips into her, tearing at her, cursing at her  

She wonders why they cannot be one
Surrendering to her confusion She is deserted, alone and desolate
She searches for an answer that does no exist
Desperate for some truth that defines her conflict She is inconsolable, her misery incinerates her soul
Her resolve decimated by the attack, she surrenders She cries a final cry, smiles and begins to pray    

WHY embraces her, teasing her one last time

Shovel in hand, The Digger's journey is complete
Looking at her trying to find an answer, it is not there Looking at him, hoping for a reason, there is none
Wiping the dirt from his hands, The Digger moves slowly toward his next design

WHY smiles a victorious smile and moves on to another